Not logged in? Join one of the busiest Cancer Forums on the Internet! Join Now!   Latest blog post: Genetic Testing For Breast Cancer

Advertisments:



Useful Links:

American Cancer Society
National Cancer Institute
Cancer Definition

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Lung Cancer discussions, another of the most common forms of cancer

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby leon » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:35 pm

Before we were married my husband told me that he has always wanted to quit smoking but never had a reason. He told me that my son and I were now his reason. We talked about it and I told him what my definition of a "non-smoker" is and he said he would quit. He read the book by Allen Carr and told me he quit. That was about 4-5 months ago. I just recently found out that he has been lying and smokes when I'm not around. At work, at his friends, at the bar, January 30th when he asked me if he could have a cigarette and still went behind my back and smoked one after I said I'd rather he not. When I bring up the fact that he PROMISED me he would stop smoking and that he has been LYING and broke that promise, he laughs and shakes his head. Like I'm crazy or something for being upset that my husband is smoking behind my back. My husband broke a promise to me that he knew means something to me. He tells me "My smoking isn't hurting you. Why does it have to be such a big deal?" You know what, it is going to hurt me when he develops lung cancer and dies. I refuse to be married to a smoker. How am I supposed to get him to stop smoking and honor the promise that he already broke? Him quitting smoking was a condition of our marriage. Kind of like me moving myself and my son to be with him at his new station (he's in the Army) was a condition of us being married. I came through on my side. I picked up and left everything I have ever known to move to a place where I have no family or friends.

Ugh! I'm really torn. I HATE being lied to, especially when the person is supposed to love me and is lying to my face! What am I supposed to do? He told me he has been wanting to quit for years but has never had anyone to quit for. Are my son and I not important enough to quit for? Clearly there is a lack of respect if he can lie to my face, no problem. I won't stay married to someone who smokes and I sure as heck will not have kids with a smoker. Help!
leon
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 4:23 am

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby hayward98 » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:35 pm

Before we were married my husband told me that he has always wanted to quit smoking but never had a reason. He told me that my son and I were now his reason. We talked about it and I told him what my definition of a "non-smoker" is and he said he would quit. He read the book by Allen Carr and told me he quit. That was about 4-5 months ago. I just recently found out that he has been lying and smokes when I'm not around. At work, at his friends, at the bar, January 30th when he asked me if he could have a cigarette and still went behind my back and smoked one after I said I'd rather he not. When I bring up the fact that he PROMISED me he would stop smoking and that he has been LYING and broke that promise, he laughs and shakes his head. Like I'm crazy or something for being upset that my husband is smoking behind my back. My husband broke a promise to me that he knew means something to me. He tells me "My smoking isn't hurting you. Why does it have to be such a big deal?" You know what, it is going to hurt me when he develops lung cancer and dies. I refuse to be married to a smoker. How am I supposed to get him to stop smoking and honor the promise that he already broke? Him quitting smoking was a condition of our marriage. Kind of like me moving myself and my son to be with him at his new station (he's in the Army) was a condition of us being married. I came through on my side. I picked up and left everything I have ever known to move to a place where I have no family or friends.

Ugh! I'm really torn. I HATE being lied to, especially when the person is supposed to love me and is lying to my face! What am I supposed to do? He told me he has been wanting to quit for years but has never had anyone to quit for. Are my son and I not important enough to quit for? Clearly there is a lack of respect if he can lie to my face, no problem. I won't stay married to someone who smokes and I sure as heck will not have kids with a smoker. Help!
hayward98
 
Posts: 1033
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:46 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby jerriel » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:38 pm

I am a smoker and I will tell you that Smoking is second only to Heroin in how addictive it is. You can't force someone to stop a bad habit they have. It is not a lack of respect for you or your son he is addicted to smoking. If you are going to divorce him because he smokes you have some serious issues that you need to deal with. You can't change someone to make them the way you want them to be. Do you have any bad habits? Would you want your husband to divorce you for your poor habits? You already have a child with a smoker it doesn't mean your husband is a lousy piece of **** because he smokes. I hate when non smokers play holier than thou with smokers. Get over it all ready. Seems like he never smokes around you or the child anyway get some help with your issues of being judgmental before you think of divorcing someone for one bad habit.
jerriel
 
Posts: 984
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:12 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby willesone » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:46 pm

Treat him like the addict he is.

Seek guidance and local support from Al-Anon. I'm sure they will have some helpful tips for you.
willesone
 
Posts: 1035
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:49 am

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby craig » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:51 pm

maybe he will stop when he is coughing up blood and needs a new lung!
craig
 
Posts: 1056
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:27 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby eyton » Sun Apr 10, 2011 8:57 pm

first no one is perfect. if he said he wanted to stop and continues, then he made a mistake. he is human. it really isn't fair for you to use your kid as a tool to make your husband stop using what research has proven to be one of the most addictive drugs, nicotine. I am with you on the lie thing but under the circumstances come on. If he is smoking behind your back then that's gotta say something about this drug. HE can't do it alone.
eyton
 
Posts: 1043
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:30 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby blayke » Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:00 pm

first no one is perfect. if he said he wanted to stop and continues, then he made a mistake. he is human. it really isn't fair for you to use your kid as a tool to make your husband stop using what research has proven to be one of the most addictive drugs, nicotine. I am with you on the lie thing but under the circumstances come on. If he is smoking behind your back then that's gotta say something about this drug. HE can't do it alone.
yeah the lying would bother me too. And he knows its a big deal to you or he wouldnt have lied. Go crazy inspector gadget on his a**. Smell his breath, all his clothes, his car every time he goes somewhere. Make it very difficult. He should get tired of that fast.
Also be helpful though. Buy gum, patches, subliminal tapes, whatever. Tell him you will do whatever you have to to save his life.
if not ultimadum time.
blayke
 
Posts: 1089
Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 1:53 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby gunn » Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:05 pm

The Army is a terrible place for someone who is trying to quit smoking. I think that all you can do is make it inconvenient for him to smoke and pretend you don't mind. The minute you say another word about it, you'll be *nagging.* I hate that word. They tell us they'll do something and when we ask if it's done (say, so we can start our work), we're nagging. Anything we say more than once is nagging. If he would just do it, I would stop asking about it! Ugh! Men!
gunn
 
Posts: 998
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 1:59 am

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby danon » Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:10 pm

No doubt, that quit smoking could be a really hard task, but with the right help you can achieve your goal. This is a site with more info about how stop smoking, benefits of quitting, tips to stop, negatives effects of smoking on children, etc, u should check it.
http://www.how-stop-smoking-today.com/articles/

Or maybe you would like to read more info about this, get this free report helped me to quit faster
http://www.how-stop-smoking-today.com/articles/free-how-stop-smoking-report/
danon
 
Posts: 1076
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 6:39 pm

Why won't my husband quit smoking?

Postby albrecht » Sun Apr 10, 2011 9:12 pm

You ever try and quit eating?

It's impossible!

Now, smoking is more addictive than food...that's why he hasn't quit!

the more he tries to quit, the easier it will get, but being pressured is just going to make him get stressed, and guess what relieves stress... a cigarette.

Don't give him ultimatums, support him and give him help. If he wants to quit, he will.
albrecht
 
Posts: 1084
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 4:29 am

Next

Return to Lung Cancer

 


  • Related topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post