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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Ovarian Cancer Discussion Forum

My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby awnan » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:52 pm

I know this is kind of long but if you could please spare some of your time and read it it would really help. I'm 16 years old and the oldest of 4. Our parents are just starting the divorce process. My dad has given her plenty of chances in the past to agree to something that will keep her on his health insurance plan, but she won't agree to his terms. My mom is irresponsible (she got a DUI when she totalled our car last year with me in the passenger seat) and immature most of the time, she always tries to tell me and my siblings stories about our dad when he's not around and tries to turn us against him. Needless to say, I favor my dad over her.

She (and this is confirmed by doctors) has the beginnings of ovarian cancer. If she doesn't get it taken care of, it will turn into ovarian cancer. She has a crappy job and no insurance so if she gets sick she won't be able to get treatment unless she somehow stays on my dads plan. She told me to try and get him to agree to her terms, which I'm sure include more than just health insurance. I don't want her to get custody of us or for my dad to have to pay her more than is necessary, but I don't want her to get sick either. She says he won't listen to her, and it's true that he always takes my opinions into consideration, though I'm not sure that extends to something of this magnitude even if I did try and help her. Any advice or tips? Please don't say "let her get sick". I know she's made mistakes, but my youngest brother is only 8 and I don't want him growing up without a mom.
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby Gascon » Sun Oct 01, 2017 7:55 pm

Your problem disturbs me so much. I am a divorced Mom and wouldn't dream of manipulating the innocent parties like sons and daughters to "get" more or to take sides. Your Mom sounds like a real piece of work. You need to "call" her on this and tell her she is setting a poor example for a parent. Your Mom and Dad are supposed to act like adults. Call a meeting and verbalize your refusal to take sides and tell your Mom----she's supposed to take care of herself and her kids. Hope this works. You sound like they did something right during the marriage.
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby Ingel » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:14 pm

I have a similar relationship with my parents in the sense that they try to turn me against the other parent. They always talk to me about personal fights between them and try to get me involved. Its really frustrating because I so badly want to help but that is totally inappropriate in a parent/child relationship.

The best advice I can give you is to stay out of it. They try to make you feel like its your business... but its not. This is between your parents. They will work it out. I know its tempting because you care about them but it is not your role to play mediator.
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby Gwyr » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:15 pm

Hey I'm 16 also. My parents are jut finishing the divorce process which can take a long time. My dad is like your mom. I never really had a good relationship with him. My mom is like your dad, she doesn't really want the divorce but knows it's for the best. Hearing what's happened, I think you should call a family meeting, maybe with all your siblings and both of your parents and talk about a plan for the insurance. I know it isn't your job, but it seems like your a mature person. Bring a compromise to the table, so everyone can give there input. And make sure that everyone is sober too. I hope this helps, let me know if you need anything.
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby Des » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:18 pm

just because your mom isnt on his insurance plan does not mean she has to go without treatment , she can still get it taken care of, i live in colorado and over there theres an indigent care program, i had a hysterectomy 7 yrs ago cause of a huge fibroid and i didnt pay a dime. right now im facing surgery again cause i have a hard time working cause of bad hips, and im having two hip replacements 6 wks apart, and im applying again for the indigent care program and im sure i'll get it. theyre just waiting for the paperwork to get there, i just sent them some forms i signed in the mail, theres also medicaid your mother can talk to about all this, and theres other programs around too , what they are depends on where she lives, theres no such thing as someone not getting care because of no money. i know this girl at the resort i work at that has leukemia and has to have chemo, she dont pay a dime either, some hospitals dont charge poor people. she needs to look into that, your father is not her only source of help, there is other help available, she needs to find out whats available in her area.
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby chauncey » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:21 pm

well there is a level of simplicity in this

your dad wants to keep her in his health insurance right

but your mom wants him to agree to her terms and not the other way around

so have your dad hire a lawyer or have them talk about it

or lock them in a room and threaten not to let them out until someone sys uncle

or maybe run away but that might back fire and get them madder at each other

in the end its either one of them will bow

or your mom dies

(sorry if its too harsh)
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My Mom Will Probably Die Unless I Go Against My Dad...advice Please?

Postby Arte » Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:23 pm

You need to let them come to an agreement. This should not be your job and you should not be put in the middle. As hard as it will be- let them come to an agreement. Your Mom shouldn't be using you to get your Father to agree with her. They are grown ups and it's their problem. I hope things work out for you and your family!
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