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My Boyfriend Of 5 Years Just Found Out His Dad Has Leukemia.?

Leukemia and blood cancer discussion.

My Boyfriend Of 5 Years Just Found Out His Dad Has Leukemia.?

Postby Abram » Tue Sep 19, 2017 11:49 am

My boyfriend has been gone for 5 weeks now to be with his Dad. He was supposed to be home today to go on vacation with me. He called yesterday and said he won't be home for 2 more weeks. I got upset because he waited until the last second to tell me and he just said that he can't think about anything else but his dad now and it's just all about me & my vacation , that i care nothing about his mom & dad.He has barely talked to me the whole time he's been gone. I've been alone for 5 weeks now and just felt like i wanted him to care about me for a few seconds to let me know sooner when he knew he wasn't coming home. I just feel like i'm not needed & that i'm selfish , inadequate, and limited now. very hurt. I know that i can't fully understand his position and i'm not in his shoes. i feel guilty because i feel i need him too whether it's right or wrong. And when he does come home , will i just be living with a stranger now ? Will he just be pre-occupied about his dad all the time ? What about when his dad passes away ,will our relationship just be over then ? I just hate feeling like the bad guy here after the way he talked to me & i know i have life issues about feeling abandoned & rejected to deal with. I've had a lot of traumatic things happen in my life and i think this is the first real traumatic event that has happened to him. Any help would be appreciated here. Thank you.
Abram
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2014 6:30 pm

My Boyfriend Of 5 Years Just Found Out His Dad Has Leukemia.?

Postby Colys » Tue Sep 19, 2017 11:51 am

Would have been nice to cancel those vacation plans 5 weeks ago. Since you have experience with traumatic events.. perhaps you could have foreseen that his energies were not going to be focused on playing with you while his family is facing the most traumatic event of their lives. However, your choice now is to either go on holiday yourself, with someone else, or cancel the whole thing and spend that money on a cheap hotel room in your boyfriend's family's hometown.
Not so that you could get some attention. But so you can GIVE some support.


It all depends on how you feel about your boyfriend. Not on how he feels about you. If you don't have it in you to put yourself aside and just support him in his time of crisis then perhaps what you have liked so much is how he felt about YOU and not how you feel about him.


Next year you'll have another vacation. Life is never final until it is.
Colys
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Wed Jan 01, 2014 6:00 pm

My Boyfriend Of 5 Years Just Found Out His Dad Has Leukemia.?

Postby Otoahhastis » Tue Sep 19, 2017 12:04 pm

my dad died of leukemia.
he ws told at age 40 he had mylofibrosis then at 70 he died.
once the leukemia took hold after all those years, he lived only 2 weeks.
i remember my husband was with me when i went to be with my family 200 miles away.
after a couple of days my husband returned home to work.
i missed him desperately and needed his strength to get me through my father's final couple of weeks on earth but he wasn't there so i did it on my own.
your boyfriend is going through a very difficult time so try to be understanding which you probably can be since you say you've gone through many taumatic things in your life... this is his first.
there's no need to feel selfish or guilty however, you have needs also and he should have let you know sooner about not being able to go on vaca with you.
but maybe he wanted to go and waited till the last minute to make his final decision... maybe he waited to find out how his father was going to fare and maybe he found out things are very bad so he didn't want to leave.
i was the only one strong enough to handle my mother and all that needed to be done when my father passed... my brother was and still is in lala land :) he's a dear soul but doesn't think like an adult... he's too busy having fun like a child and maybe your boyfriend finds himself in the same situation... the one who has to handle things.
after his dad dies, whenever that may be, your boyfriend will need time to mourn and adjust to a life without his father and if they are close it will be difficult for him.
if you and your boyfriend are meant to be, you will "be" :).
don't fret, love your boyfriend, be patient and kind... it will be returned one day.
i will pray for your boyfriend's dad... that he goes peacefully and without pain. i kiss you dear one on the forehead.
now hush, be calm and be patient.
Otoahhastis
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2014 9:28 am


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