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I don't have an account but Im on here on my sisters because I really need advice, my dad (48) has cancer?

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I don't have an account but Im on here on my sisters because I really need advice, my dad (48) has cancer?

Postby jacky » Mon Feb 02, 1970 10:56 pm

and I am a freshman in college. It is stage 3 colon cancer but they got a lot with surgery and the doctors are optimistic but we are still not sure. I was away when this happened at school and was unable to come home & my dad didn't want me to leave school. I just spent since before christmas at home for break and it was tough to see him bald, weak, and down a lot of weight but it was great to spend time together. My dad is a very strong guy and has been constantly telling my family he doesn't want to be a burden. I tried my best to help him by going with him to chemo, sitting and watching movies together when he was sick, when he was well enough he took me out shopping and to lunches/dinners, and we had some heart to hearts which felt good but scared me at the same time. A while before I had to go back I told him I thought I should transfer and go to school while living at home but he told me "absolutely not. you deserve this college experience and it would kill me to know i took that away from you." So I'm back at college and loving it but I cant help feel guilty . I don't think it will be the last time with my dad but that still always crosses my mind. I feel guilty that my mom and siblings cant escape like I can. Am I wrong to have gone back? What can I do to help my dad even though I'm far away? Im going to try and come home more because its only 4 hours away but its hard to come home. When I do come home what should I do to help him and my family? Thank you for any advice you can give this is a very tough time in my life
jacky
 
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I don't have an account but Im on here on my sisters because I really need advice, my dad (48) has cancer?

Postby pallaton16 » Sat Jun 18, 1994 9:40 pm

Sorry to hear about your dad. Here is a website that might be of help. http://www.cancer.org
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I don't have an account but Im on here on my sisters because I really need advice, my dad (48) has cancer?

Postby peverell » Sat Jul 20, 2002 4:00 pm

Sorry to hear about your dad. Here is a website that might be of help. http://www.cancer.org
No, you were not wrong to go back to college. You are at a pivotal point in your own life, and if your dad's doctors are optimistic, then there is no reason for you to doubt them. Seeing him weak, bald and down in weight is because he is being treated, not that cancer has a hold of him. I am just finishing up treatment for my cancer; I went through chemo and now radiation. At no point did the tumors in my body present any effect on what I was able to do and how I lived my life. The treatment is another issue. I have lost nearly 50 pounds (I was a good 20 pounds overweight, so it is not all bad), I have nearly 0 energy, I can't eat, I lost my hair... I look terrible.

But it is all due to treatment, not the disease. There are those that look bad because of the cancer, my dad was in that class. He had a tumor that prevented him from eating, so he lost weight without chemo.

What would you do if you were home at another college. You would still be studying and going to classes, so it is unlikely you would be able to really help out a lot.

Remember that your dad is the exact same person he was before he was diagnosed and went into treatment, so treat him as you would have. If he is computer literate, get him up on skype so you guys can video chat and make a routine where you spend some virtual time together every week. Maybe you watch movies 'together' by renting the same flick in a week and chatting about it. Support your mom and siblings however you can, first and foremost by not neglecting them in favor of your dad. Sure, he is sick, but they all deserve a little time as well.

I assume the 4 hours is by car, so you can swing back on long weekends or weekends when you don't have a lot of assignment, then you have spring and summer breaks. Maybe you can save up a little and treat your mom to a spa day with you when you get back home.
peverell
 
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I don't have an account but Im on here on my sisters because I really need advice, my dad (48) has cancer?

Postby donat » Tue Jan 24, 2012 10:52 am

and I am a freshman in college. It is stage 3 colon cancer but they got a lot with surgery and the doctors are optimistic but we are still not sure. I was away when this happened at school and was unable to come home & my dad didn't want me to leave school. I just spent since before christmas at home for break and it was tough to see him bald, weak, and down a lot of weight but it was great to spend time together. My dad is a very strong guy and has been constantly telling my family he doesn't want to be a burden. I tried my best to help him by going with him to chemo, sitting and watching movies together when he was sick, when he was well enough he took me out shopping and to lunches/dinners, and we had some heart to hearts which felt good but scared me at the same time. A while before I had to go back I told him I thought I should transfer and go to school while living at home but he told me "absolutely not. you deserve this college experience and it would kill me to know i took that away from you." So I'm back at college and loving it but I cant help feel guilty . I don't think it will be the last time with my dad but that still always crosses my mind. I feel guilty that my mom and siblings cant escape like I can. Am I wrong to have gone back? What can I do to help my dad even though I'm far away? Im going to try and come home more because its only 4 hours away but its hard to come home. When I do come home what should I do to help him and my family? Thank you for any advice you can give this is a very tough time in my life
donat
 
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