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How to approach my girlfriend about a possible BIG lie. I think she may have BPD…?

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How to approach my girlfriend about a possible BIG lie. I think she may have BPD…?

Postby willesone » Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:01 pm

I am not sure, but I think my girlfriend has BPD and has been lying to me about a situation for almost a year now to get sympathy. The situation explained below is where some people are allegedly harassing/beating her, and the police will not do anything significant to stop it. I love her and this has caused me many sleepless nights and has had a profound negative impact on my life. Information came available to me 1 week ago that has created a doubt in my mind about the truth behind her terrible situation. In her situation I simply believed her without question, until recent events. BPD is the only reason I could fathom that she would make this up. I have no idea how to approach her about this. but it needs to be brought out in the open because it is eroding our relationship now. Until this point we have never had a disagreement.

She was raised by her mother. She told me her father abused her as a child.

While this story has become a wildly elaborate and too bad to believe I am telling the short condensed version so you don’t have to read 4 pages. While she was in cosmetology school she was having trouble with a female instructor being ugly to her and this weird looking guy harassing her and hitting her on the butt. Allegedly this continued to go on and caused a great deal of stress for her and made her develop stomach ulcers. Allegedly she tried to contact the board of cosmetology and nothing was done about it.
After she graduated, these people allegedly started calling her 10 or 15 times all day and night leaving belligerent profane threatening messages for no reason at all. They allegedly would drive by her job and scream profanity’s out the window, spit on her and the guy has allegedly came inside and beat her up 5 times. She allegedly calls the police and they arrest the people and hold them over night and that’s it. They then allegedly do it again. She told me that the police told her they cannot do anything without her taking them to court which she cannot afford, or getting a restraining order. She has allegedly filled out paperwork for a restraining order 5 times and the courthouse keeps supposedly losing it.

Well one week ago I was feeling particularly distraught and talked to my father about these people harassing her. He called the police station and they said that they have never been called to her job for a domestic issue. He went by the station and saw on their computer the only thing they had been at her job for was to write someone a parking ticket. The last time this guy supposedly hit her she said he left a big bruise on her face, but I never saw it because she said it was covered with makeup. I asked her the other day if I could hear one of the voicemails someone left her and she said no, and then looked very worried. I asked her if she wanted me to go to the police with her and she said no. I asked her if she wanted me to go talk to the people and she said no. she is keeping the whole situation a secret from everyone because she does not want her mother with heart problems to know about it. The other day she asked me if we could get married while all this stuff is happening and I told her we can’t make that decision until life is settled down. These people have been messing with her every day for 8 months. Surprisingly the next day after our conversation it all stopped and she has made it a point to point it out every conversation since then. One of the two people is a friend of hers on facebook. Lastly she accidently left her phone in my car last night and I looked at it and did not see any calls from them for the last 2 months listed in her phone. She has 0 voicemails and tried to call one of the alleged harassers a week ago. She also blocked her number and tried to call me once last Saturday.

We’ve been together 14 months and never argued. This doubt is going to erode our relationship until dealt with. The only reason I can fathom someone would make up such an elaborate story and keep it going for so long would be Borderline Personality Disorder. Right now 2+2 equals 5. I don’t know if I can trust her at all anymore and that’s a crying shame. All this and Christmas is in 2 weeks :-(

I need to talk to her about this but I am not sure how to approach her with it. I don’t want to break her heart. Any advice would be welcome especially from people with experience dealing with BPD.

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Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:49 am

How to approach my girlfriend about a possible BIG lie. I think she may have BPD…?

Postby joscelin » Wed Dec 14, 2011 1:05 pm

You need to get to the root of why she is doing this.. It sounds like an attention issue.. If you love her you need to help her through this,. Maybe approach her by saying 'I hate to talk about this., and I dont want to hurt or offend u. But I need l know the truth' and tell her why u think she may be lying.. And then tell her something sweet.. Like if this is for attention,, let me give you attention in other ways.. U don't need to have threats for me to show you attention,, and say I Want to marry you someday too.. But I can't until you're honest with me.. But I love u., just be firm., but as loving as possible.. Cause it will hurt her to be caught in a lie that she probably never thought would hurt anyone.,,

Good luck :)
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Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:29 am

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