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How Do You Politely Suggest Some One Stop Smoking Around Their Dieing Husband?

Pancreatic Cancer Discussions

How Do You Politely Suggest Some One Stop Smoking Around Their Dieing Husband?

Postby Caius » Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:34 pm

My mother in-law is an avid smoker. My father in-law has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. We are visiting this weekend and had to take my father in-law to the ER b/c of foot swelling and pain. While my husband and I were following them I noticed my mother in-law smoking in their car with just her drivers window cracked about 4 inches.... I'm not a doctor and have no medical education but I'm gonna make a safe bet and say that is probably not good for my father in-law.


It makes me so angry but I feel like I would be out of line to tell a grown woman how to take care of her husband and how to live her life.

Any suggestions of how to politely say, "knock it off!!" ?
Caius
 
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Joined: Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:33 pm

How Do You Politely Suggest Some One Stop Smoking Around Their Dieing Husband?

Postby aquilino65 » Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:36 pm

i am glad i saw this because i know the answer to this, my dear.

your father in law is going to be dead very very soon.
your mother in law copes with stress by smoking.
it will make NO DIFFERENCE to the health of this man to have this woman smoking around him.
it does help her, though.


take all your anger and put it in a box and throw it away.
from this moment on every single minute you are with either of them, make those last moments HAPPY MEMORIES for all of you.
start right this very second, because you dont have much time.

the way you do this is you smile, make calm polite small talk in a low voice,not loud or shrill, you ask them how they are and ANY TIME THEY WANT TO TALK, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS, JUST LISTEN to them because your presence and YOUR PATIENCE with them right now is what is needed.

just be there, be smiling and kind and supportive.
there is no need to judge anything they do.
nothing.
there is a huge need, though, for you to be there, to listen, to smile, to care.

all the medicine in the whole world wont do the good that you will do for them when you do what i wrote above. i promise and guarantee this.

you can also go to a bookstore or amazon and buy and READ the amazing book, called," final gifts" by maggie callanan.
she is a hospice nurse who works with the dying and the book will take you all, step by step, on how to have a peaceful and blessed experience with this life transition.
really, dear.
i promise.
( he may not be at the point where he is ready to admit he is dying, and that is great, maybe he will live a long time, but the book and advice are still very very relevant to stage 4 pancreatic cancer)
aquilino65
 
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Joined: Sat Apr 02, 2011 4:11 am

How Do You Politely Suggest Some One Stop Smoking Around Their Dieing Husband?

Postby Will » Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:38 pm

I agree with the other poster.
Sad situation, but reality is he is going to pass away soon.
People who smoke tend to smoke more when they are stressed out.
The last thing she wants is someone telling her how to act when her husband is about to die.
Keep the peace and keep quiet.
She doesn't need the stress from you too.
Will
 
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Joined: Sun Jan 12, 2014 5:51 am

How Do You Politely Suggest Some One Stop Smoking Around Their Dieing Husband?

Postby Fortun » Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:39 pm

Personally I do not think this is the time to be polite.
She is being damn right disrespectful.
There are plenty of places that she can smoke so its not as though you are telling her to quit yet to have a little thought towards your father in law.
Its a common known fact that second hand smoke is not good for you and it can't be good for him given his current condition.
I would not be polite in this instance I would tell her straight and I am surprised your husband has not intervened.
Fortun
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Mar 14, 2014 5:12 am


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