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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Lung Cancer discussions, another of the most common forms of cancer

Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby pyrs » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:12 am

I have a friend who's boyfriend is dying of stage four lung cancer.

He was diagnosed in August, when they realized it had spread to his other lung as well as spine and pancreas. They gave him 6 months- which would be Feb. At the moment, he's paralyzed, which is devastating for all.
They were and are totally in love- Its sad to see, they're so destroyed. She's aware that he wont be around for much longer- and I think a part of her just wants it to be over. She wants to get married and have children one day, and she's just getting used to the idea that it wont be with him.
At work, we have a very good looking client (hair salon), recently they exchanged email addresses, and she's talking about maybe getting together with him. She has absolutely no intention of pretending nothing else is going on- she'll be honest with him about her situation, and see how he reacts.
She asked me if I thought that this is strange- her asking him out when her boyfriend is at home dying. A part of me thinks YES! It IS weird!, but another part of me understands- that she has two lives at the moment. The first is caregiver and lover to her sick boyfriend- the other is her work life, which helps her escape the pain of reality.

What type of advice should I give her?
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby yates11 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:12 am

Tell her what you just told us. You sound honest, but sensitive and understanding at the same time. What's wrong with that?
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby shea51 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:17 am

As long as she is up front with everyone involved then its fine. She will need someone there to support her during these hard times and this client may just be the right person.
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby haraford » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:24 am

Tell her to enjoy life and get slammed by as many guys as she can. ya only live once and her boyfriend's once is almost over
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby brus » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:31 am

I totally agree. She needs to be with her ill boyfriend who she professes she loves. Not out giving numbers to men for dates at work. That's just not right. This guy is dying, the least she can do is stay with him and spend his last days by his side comforting him as best she can and deal with the grief of losing a loved one for a period of time, instead of dating another guy to mask her pain and keep her mind off of dealing with it. It will be there no matter what.
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby woodley90 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:42 am

I think she is extremely wrong to be planning on going out with this guy while the one she loves is dying. She needs to be there for her boyfriend right now, not caring about how she's gonna be alone for a little while when he's gone. She's being selfish and needs to spend as much time with her bf as possible right now, that is, if it really is true love. I can't see it being true love if she's already willing to go out with another guy. that's just my opinion
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby clarance » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:44 am

I had a friend who's wife died of a brain tumor and two weeks later, he hooked up with my best friend. I thought that he'd moved on pretty fast.

If you were her, how would you feel?
I'd probably do the same thing.
--Wanna get on with my life and at the same time,
take of my sick boyfriend at home.--
But, why don't she at least wait til he's gone?
Ask her that.
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Her Boyfriend is Dying- Is it wrong to rebound now?

Postby rosiyn56 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 1:48 am

Your friend needs to give herself time to mourn and to heal, and this isn't going to do it for her. More than likely, it will only hurt more in the end. It's *especially* unfair to the person she's intending to date, unless this person is aware of her situation...he may be going into it for the wrong reasons himself.

She shouldn't take advantage or allow herself to be taken advantage of. One or the other is going to happen regardless of what she thinks. She needs to take some time to distance herself and be on her own.
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