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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby ecgbeorht » Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:28 pm

My father lost a 7-month battle with colon cancer two days ago. I loved him very much, but I didn't see him very much the past two weeks because I was finishing up summer exams and I have a full time job. His doctor just told us he had 3 months to live, then his liver shut down and he died within hours. By the time I got to him he was unconscious and didn't even know I was there.

I'm trying to focus and keep my head straight (I only get one bereavement day from my job so that's for the funeral), but every other minute my chest tightens up knowing I'll never get another phone call or hug from him again. This is agony. I miss my daddy so much. I'm glad he's out of pain but I just wasn't ready yet. I feel like I'm suicidal because this pain is too much. He was 62, I'm 33. But all I'm having are flashbacks of him and his voice every minute. I'm scared I may be a danger to myself.
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby acair » Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:41 pm

You missing your father is a good thing. it means you guys loved each other very much, and you cared about him.

There are 5 stages of grieving.

1.Denial and Isolation

You will get through all of them. Its not easy, it never is.

He is in a better place now. Just keep thinking his last thoughts were nice thoughts about you and your family.
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby corley39 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:47 pm

****. This is awful. You knew he was going to die before though right?
Just not so soon.

I am guessing he would want you to suck ti up, bootstrap it.

He lived a live before you were even born, now you live one after he is dead.

Yep it is gonna be painful. Deal. Everyone who is part of the proper of circle of life does.
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby corey » Fri Aug 19, 2011 1:55 pm

Calm down, and picture your father resting peacefully, and no longer in pain. Suicide is not the answer, and i am 100% sure he wont want you to do that. Please seek counseling.
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby edwald52 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:16 pm

dont hurt yourself, its hard losing someone, talk to someone about it
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby amadeo40 » Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:29 pm

No one expects you to deal with this in only two days. Death is something that will always hurt someone, especially if it's a really close loved one. But you have to remember something. Your dad graced this earth to live and protect you. Sure, his life was cut short by something terrible. But think about it like this. Do you think your father would want you to end your life right now? You have so many years ahead of you, and so many great things to experience in your life.
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby carolos » Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:32 pm

I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but remember that he loves you so much and that he knows you love him very much, and that you at least got to know him this long. My mom's mother died when she was in fourth grade & it was devastating. My father saw his own dad die of a heart-attack (he had cancer) in the hospital. My dad knew he was going to die, but just like you he didn't know it would be this soon. I wish i got to meet them. Anyway, Please stay strong!!!! Think about what your father would want you to do. I'm sure that although he's gone, he wants you to be strong and happy through this because that's how he'd want you to be. I'm sure he'd tell you not to worry. He's finally at peace now and in a happy place. Perhaps to ease the pain, maybe you can write a letter to him on paper, or make a scrapbook about him. It's all part of life and this will only make a stronger person. Please don't hurt yourself! Stay strong, for your father. He wants you to be happy. I'm sorry for your loss - strength is key. I don't know your faith, but I know I go to church and turn to God and it really helps me a lot. Take care <3
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Help! Father died two days ago and I can't deal?

Postby ahimelech » Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:40 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. My friend had a parent that died of cancer also and she felt the way you do now. It seems like it will last forever, I know the feeling of hopelessness, but it will get better. I promise. I may not know you or your family but I know that things always get better. It will become easier to adjust once you accept it, but for now, just try to keep yourself safe. Your father probably wouldn't want you to hurt yourself, no parent wants that for their kids, so please get help before you do anything unsafe. If you feel bad enough, call a hotline, they always seem to help. Or tell someone so you know you'll be safe. I hope I helped and best of luck to you and your family.
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