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Death Of My Mother

Liver Cancer research, treatment and diagnosis discussion

Death Of My Mother

Postby Teimhnean » Fri Oct 17, 2014 1:40 pm

I lost my mom in January after she had been diagnosed with lung and liver cancer.  She lasted 1 week from diagnosis to her death.  It was so quick that I never had time to wrap my mind around what was happening.  I had been her caregiver for 7 years as she had emphysema and COPD and was on oxygen.  She was my best friend. I had to move in with friends due to finances and I'm quite lost.  There aren't a lot of books out there for adult daughters who lose their mothers. With Mothers Day coming up, I'm having a difficult time coping with this.  I'm 50 years old and people have told me I need to "get over it".  Well guess what, I'm not getting over it and don't think I ever will get over it.  I was able to be with her when she took her last breath and I have cried so many tears.  I can't believe how much I miss her, the dreams I have of her.  I also have issues how Hospice handled things.  That's a whole other issue.  I lost my father to the same disease 22 years ago so I feel like an orphan.....is that a normal feeling to have?  Can you suggest any books on this subject?

Thank you so much for listening

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Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2014 6:57 am

Death Of My Mother

Postby ciceron » Sat Oct 18, 2014 4:56 am

Hi Susan~

I'm going to copy and paste a link for you here on books I found by doing a search on Amazon.com for books with the key word(coping with the death of a parent).  There was a huge list of books that came up when I did this.  You can either buy them there online(available in new and even used books), if you're interested.  Or you can write down the titles and authors and try to find them at your local library for free.  

Here is the url link(just copy and paste it in your browser). http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_b?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords...

Now to answer your other question.  You bet it's normal to feel this way, and to have thoughts and feelings the way you are.  Everyone deals with death and grieving in their own personal way.  And for ppl to tell you you need to get over this, well, that's just rude and totally insensitive for them to say.  Unless and until they've experienced the death of a loved one, especially a parent, they aren't going to know how you're feeling and can't even begin to relate and know(besides with experience) what you feel and think.  

On a side note, I recently lost my dad too, he was technically my step-dad, but I never ever referred to him as such b/c he raised me and my sister as his own since we were 5 and 7.  In fact he died April 16, so about 3 weeks ago.  It's been hard too.  I lost my bio-father over 7.5 yrs ago, so I knew what I was going to go through in grieving and experiencing such a profound loss.  That still didn't and doesn't make it any easier.  I think of him daily and all the time too.  I miss him and you just can't appreciate it as much as when they are gone and no longer on this earth.  He also died from Emphysema and complications of COPD.  It was devastating and horrible to watch him die in that hospital bed and waste away to nothing more than skin and bones, my mother by his bedside as his constant companion and caregiver(albeit him being in a hospital setting).  It killed me to watch him die like that, and to see that is beyond what words can truly express.  

Anyway, enough of me.  You have to take as long as you need to mourn her untimely and unexpected death.  The first year really is the roughest b/c you have to go through all the firsts w/o her with you, such as the birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.  It's tough, but as time goes on, it tends to get a little easier to cope and deal with.  It's a slow process though to be honest.  

What I've found that helps in my experience is to remember the good times that you shared together, the positive things in life, as opposed to the sad, depressing death she had.  She would want you to celebrate her life, not mourn her death forever.  She'd want you to be happy, not sad and depressed forever.  You have the memories of her to keep and cherish forever, and no one can ever take that away from you.  If you have any further questions please feel free to ask.
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