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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby drury » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:33 pm

Shrouded eyes

I am tasting this taste again

a bitter salt infused wafer

served on communion?s plate

offered as if salvation bid.

This bread host, heavy on my tongue

and dry, so very dry to chew

yet, salt bitters somehow comfort.

Penance or disillusionment?

Do I kneel now and genuflect,

wear again the shroud on my eyes,

bandage my ears to muffle cries

prostrate myself beneath the sky.

Or do I seek out light once more

as if this clichéd metaphor speaks.

Yet it seems much different now.

Is the light?s portal calling me?

Does this at last mean ?clarity,

removal of my shroud?s dark cloak.

or am I eternally damned

to ever wander, a postulant

to the universe, course unknown.
drury
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby kestejoo » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:34 pm

I picked up a message in this that may disturb a lot of people.

As I former minister and bible study teacher.,humans are quick to boast.

They tell "Everyone"they are saved.I tell them only God knows.

bye...thats why i'm silent on religion,no one wanted the truth.
kestejoo
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Pallaton » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:35 pm

Good to see you back and I enjoyed reading Shrouded Eyes.
Pallaton
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Aldous » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:38 pm

Yes, you are eternally damned to wander in the arid plains of ....poetry.

Good Morning!
Aldous
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Alroy » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:40 pm

Pondering pen to say the least.

Yet some how I feel the God of

my understanding, does not look

to see us on a guilt trip, rather

a trip of joy in Jesus's love of man kind.

As for clarity, we none will ever have,

all the answers.
Alroy
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Garaden » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:45 pm

Deep!

To me it's like asking "What's the meaning of Life?"...
Garaden
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Eustatius » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:47 pm

Yes, and well composed.

A few lines mildly force the rhythm.

I would think of the following revisions

S1-L4...offered as (a) salvation bid.

or........offered as (this) salvation bid.

S5-L2...Denial of my shroud's mortal slant;

or.........Denial of my shroud's human slant;

I feel the the final, single line is superfluous

and takes away the impact of your final stanza.

Well conceived.

Gene.
Eustatius
 
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Can You See The Underlying Issues At Work In This Poem? C/c?

Postby Ruadhagan » Thu Apr 20, 2017 12:49 pm

An eternal conundrum. Nicely written.
Ruadhagan
 
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