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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Cervical Cancer research and treatment discussions

Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby hulbart » Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:19 pm

Serious Answers Only Please.

I'm 15 and been dating "Thomas" (17 in October) for a little over a year. His parents are strong Catholics; mine pretend to be. My mom is a 'strong believer' in no sex before marriage, and was supposedly this innocent child throughout her high school years, which by the way, I know is not true- through my cousin and grandmother. My stepdad thinks that I'm going to have sex anywhere and everywhere with my boyfriend because of his own past history, which I learned of through my stepsister. He has never been open and honest with me. Well, to start off with, before we even started dating, Thomas and I were accused of having sex, when he was really just giving me a hug (we both had on all our clothes, the lights were on, and nothing really looked suspicious, because nothing was going on). So, since even before we started dating, he hasn't been allowed upstairs (where my room is), with or without the door open. To make things even better, he told my mom last night (who relayed it to me) that she would bring me to his house (which is less than 10 minutes away) , where they think we're watched like hawks, because he didn't want "Thomas" bringing me. When I asked her why, she just shrugged her shoulder, which I immediately knew "because things might happen" and she knew I did. When I told her that he was retarded, she just said goodnight and went back downstairs. (I'm not allowed over to his house whenever his parents aren't home and vise-versa, which I completely understand). On top of all of this, though, I have an irregular period, and since I have ocd, it mentally aggravates me. I've tried talking to my mom about getting the pill, numerous times actually, but she uses the excuses "it will give you cervical cancer." and "it's normal for your period to be like that. mine was.", because she thinks I only want it so I can have sex (which she won't admit) and I've tried to explain to her otherwise. I even think she got the doctor to lie to me whenever I went and asked (she was there and had talked to the doctor beforehand) because I know skipping two months is not normal, especially after nearly three years. The the thing is, it's really starting to tick me off. I'll admit, I'm not innocent (they don't know), but I have not ever given them a reason to not trust me or act this way! In fact, I've only made two C's my entire life in school (neither of which have been in the last year), I take all honors classes (I'm a sophomore), I'm involved and dedicated to band (3rd chair out of 9), I'm on the executive council of our school's Beta club (Philanthropist), my friends and boyfriend (he's a junior) are also in honor classes, and over all, I'm not a bad "child". I don't know what to do!

I'm not against premarital sex like they are, and I'm sick and tired of them thinking that's all "Thomas" and I doing! The truth is, we haven't had sex yet and that has been a joint decision! And when the time comes, I want to be able to talk to my mom about it, but I can't because she'll blab to everyone (his parents, my grandmother, aunts, uncles- practically everyone that knows me) and I've tried to just talk to her about it as "my sex life", not just sex, and she threatened to 'make' "Thomas" and myself break up.

What should I do? Do you any of you have any suggestions? How about the birth control? What would you do parents? I'm not happy right now, and I feel like I'm having to hide my entire life from my mom, which I've never had to do before "Thomas", my first boyfriend, entered the picture. I'm really attached to him, and everything happening around me is making me depressed. I just want to be treated like the young adult I both act like and am. It's my life, shouldn't I be able to make my own mistakes and decisions?
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby ryker84 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:28 pm

i know what you mean and how you feel i am 21 years finished college married to a wonderful guy i had the same problems with my parents when i was your age they never allowed me go out alone or with my friends they used to check through my things if i am hiding anything and used to listen to my phonecalls it was horrible miserable really i used to have fights with them on this thing and i always thought they didnt trust me i always thought that i was old enough to take care of myself and take my own decisions, believe me when i tell you this I WAS WRONG. i realised that when i grew up because when i went to college i met a guy and we had a very strong relation we loved each other and it was a love story filled with romance and really good times i met his parents and he met my parents he made me believe that when we finish college we will get married and everything was going on fine we were together for 2 years we travelled together we had fun and then he started talking about having sex i was scared because i have always promised myself that i will not have sex until i get married i know old fashioned but i didnt want anything wrong to happen like getting pregnant as my studies and life will be affected and he kept bringing up the topic in a nice way ofcourse one day i was at his place and i saw him getting near and you know what he wanted i stopped him and left after that he changed but gradually until he broke up with me i was devastated my heart was broken because what if i had sex with him and he left me then i was relieved that nothing happened i changed my college so that i am not there with him after 2 years i got over him and met my husband who was a really nice guy. what i want to tell you is that our parents really dont trust our thinking thats it and not us thats what i realised at the end and they were the ones who helped me get through it, believe me having sex at a young age is really wrong wait for the right person to come you have your life ahead of you, didnt you think that your parents are doing this because they are scared that something wrong happens and you get pregnant it will affect your future and as you said you are good at school do you want to loose it for just having fun a couple of minutes.
and regarding the pills issue and the period i had the same problem during teenage years because the hormones are not yet stable and i used not to get my period for 2-3 months and it was really painful but never took the pills.
So take it slow as you said he is your first you have your life ahead and you might meet new people and believe it your way of thinking will change when you grow i dont mean that this relation might not work but you can never know, enjoy your teenage years you have many years to come to take responsibility so enjoy your life with your friends its the best years and you dont want to spend it taking care of a child or wasting it fighting with your parents just sit with your mom and take to her and assure her that you are not going to have sex so that she feels reliefed
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby wylingford34 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:46 pm

if you go to a women's clinic, they will give you birth control for free, without telling your parents.
their just being overprotective of you.
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby delsy » Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:49 pm

Well I can see why your parents would be so worried just because of how many high school students ARE getting pregnant. Being that you are Catholic, they are against any form of conception control, and can give you many reasons not to take it. I don't necessarily think that Birth control is super great for your body, but if you are skipping periods, I might have to look into it as a parent. But I can see how if you are 15, have a boyfriend and ask to be put on birth control it might make them suspicious even if you do have irregular periods.

They are just trying to be good parents - my parents were pretty much the same way. You just have to try and respect them and show them that you can be trusted and ask for a little bit of leeway at a time. And until you are 18, or until you move out, you just have to do what they say and deal with whatever decision they make because they are your parents, and are the decision makers when it comes to BC.
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby brodrick » Tue Apr 12, 2011 7:59 pm

Firstly, I would go to the doctor for the pill by yourself and talk to her abot how irregular it is, as far as i know, afte 3 years, its' not normal.
Go to a different doctor. Your mother doesnt have to know. It's illegal if they tell her.
Then, I'd jus like to say 15 is too young to be having sex anyway. I think 16 is fairly young too. Wait until your legal or your mother if she found out could send him to jail.
Your not a young-adult. You're a teenager.
You do seem mature, but act your age.
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby adamek14 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:02 pm

ok i know this might sound bad but all most moms are like that.........when i was 13 i had sex with this guy i tough i was in love with it turned out that i wasn't but my mom flipped out.........she made it to where i couldn't see him any more......and it really pissed me off but i guess that's life......but now i am 16 and she really doesn't care any more....i mean i cant say she doesn't care b/c i'm not her........but i can talk to my mom about any thing......maybe you should sit down with your mom and tell her how you feel .......but trust me it will get bad before it gets good.......tell her that you don't like gettin treated like a child that you are gettin older and you need your space.........i hope this all works out for you ;)
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby cwrig » Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:06 pm

For one thing you write a very good essay. Your grammar, spelling, sentence structure and organization are excellent. Your English teacher should love you.

This is a complicated question. Hearing only one side of it makes any suggestion just a guess.

One thing that stands out; this family does a lot of talking about things that would best be kept private. While you and your boyfriend may not have "done anything" there is an overall atmosphere of distrust.

I hope you reach some agreement with your parents. I am a couple (or three) generations removed from you so while I have opinions I think they are best kept to myself. Good luck.

I think your parents are lucky to have you but I am not sure.....
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Any advice of what I should do? Parents, your advice if appreciate, too.?

Postby paulson67 » Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:17 pm

First of all you are 15 not "a youth adult", no such thing! You are a kid. I think all of the rules you have stated are perfectly reasonable for a 15 yr old.
Having said that;
If you truly have problem with your period, you can get a birth control pill that is very low dosage, which will help you be regular and have shorter periods, along with less cramps. I did take them when I was a teen (I'm 44 now). These low dosage birth control will not protect you from pregnancy, but will help your symptoms.
Obviously you have internet, so go on line to www.webmd.com and get more info on the subject. Print it out and show your mom. She may be more likely to consult a doctor, if she realizes that you are not trying to find an excuse to get birth control for the purposes of having sex.
As far as sympathy for your parents actually parenting, sorry but they are doing what they should be. If kids were mature and grown enough to make adult decisions, then we wouldn't be responsible for them until they are 18. Trust me, I was 15 once and guess what, we ALL thought we were grown, UNTIL WE REALLY WERE AND LOOKED BACK ON IT.
Kids need protection from themselves and their innocent trust. It just means they love you and don't want you to make live altering mistakes.
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