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Am I Being Used By My Girlfriend?

Leukemia and blood cancer discussion.

Am I Being Used By My Girlfriend?

Postby Garnet » Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:17 am

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years; she is 25 and I am 30. Shortly after we began dating, her mother was diagnosed with Leukemia. She had no vehicle, so I would take her to see her mother on the weekends. After 2 years, and financially difficult times, we moved in with her mom to help her out. Things were great, until her mom supposedly demanded she dump me. We were apart for 6 months; I was devastated, went home to GA (she stayed in MN), we still communicated--she said she was still in love with me, and would not talk to anyone else, as did I; several months later, her mom died. She called to tell me her family was driving her crazy by accusing her of wanting her mom to die, so she could be with me. 1 month later, we were back together. I drove there to pick her up, and she moved down to GA. I worked and went to school, while she stayed home, focusing on her studies and grieving. Later, I find out that she did talk to guys while she was in MN, but I forgive her--we moved on. This past February, her brother leaves the Marines, so his wife and their kids move from Hawaii to MN, shortly thereafter, his wife divorces him. She asked if it would be ok for her to go to MN to visit him, first for 2 weeks, then for 1 month. We argue, then I agree to a month. I pay for her ticket, and give her spending money every week. Immediately upon arriving in MN, she begins acting like a b-tch. She starts arguments for no reason, never calls, and then tells me I am too much for her. I only asked that we speak at least 1 time daily, even if it's a text. Now she does not want to come back. She says she needs to be there for her nieces. She will not talk to me in front of her family, or anyone else. Seems like she is always outside, or somewhere else when I do talk to her. When she did finally agree to come back, it was only to get her things and to return right away, but she says she wants to be in a relationship with me. I never cheated on her and I am not mentally abusive.

Am I being used? Did she only come back to me when her options ran out? She never gave any signs, and up to the day she left, she was talking to me about the type of wedding cake she would want. I am confused...any help will go a very long way.
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Am I Being Used By My Girlfriend?

Postby Hearne » Sun Oct 08, 2017 7:25 am

My opinion is that everything was kosher up until that 6 month breakup. Even though it does sort of seem "convenient" that you could offer her so many things when her life was a mess, you can't live with someone that you don't have real feelings for, let alone with a parent in the picture too.

The romantic spark probably fizzled on her end during that 6 months apart. The intention to stay faithful waned, as you know, and I wouldn't be surprised if she did a little more than talk to another guy. After her mom died, though, she was back into a position where she had nowhere to go. So, back to ol' faithful who is always to catch her when she falls.

Who knows where her mind is right now. I think she's probably torn between not wanting to be with you, and the fear of giving up something that has taken up so many years of her life. Either way, your feelings matter too, and it's not right for her to play games like this. I say, cut her loose. It's pretty clear that even if she comes back, things won't be the same...take this as your cue to move on to greener pastures.
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Joined: Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:50 pm

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